I have what you've been looking for

How would you describe the human spirit? Kind and compassionate, tender and caring. Proud and tenacious, strong and free-willed. These are some of my thoughts.

However, more and more throughout our daily lives the "asshole" makes an appearance. Rude and obnoxious, cold and mean-spirited. Arrogant and selfish, insecure and, yes, still free-willed. Call me cynical, but the trend is apparent throughout modern society.

I believe there is a reason for everything. There are no coincidences. Maybe the rich, extravagant lifestyles of our cultural icons are merely compensation for something lacking in their personal lives. Perhaps those lonely souls who spend countless hours in fantasy video game worlds have finally found a way to escape. Maybe, just maybe, we're all just looking for something.

What are you looking for?

As for me? I think I've found it at Brampton Lane, :)

Not-So-Happy Birthday to Me

Still celebrating birthdays? Whether young or old, birthdays are special--a celebration of the day you were brought into the world. Still, as we get older do we celebrate less the gift of life?

This is something I'm currently struggling with. Today at 11:52 I turn 25 years old. Wow-big whoop, huh? Do you remember what your 25th was like? What emotions do you recall coming to surface?

“It's a little sad.”

25, single, with no house to call my own. Pretty decent financially without major rent, etc. from living in the city, but how can I get my life to move fast-forward without losing precious time?

It's tough, and I have to think to myself, "Can I be happy with nothing to my name except a family?" And then I have to ask, "Would it be enough for 'her'?"

Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidence.

Ever exclaimed, "What a coincidence!" or heard that sissy version, "What a co-inky-dink!" and became speechless? I have.

Whether you were dreaming of Chinese food only to find a voicemail from your spouse asking what kind of take-out you would like for supper or your birth date shows up as a customer's order number, we have all experienced them at one point or another in our lives. Those completely unrelated events which come together at the same time. Coincidences.

“I don't believe in coincidence.”

Cymatics is the study of sound and vibration in visual form. A pinch of salt, for example, on a surface affected by various audible frequencies can be manipulated to form patterns. These patterns represent an emerging trend of expression and have become an art form over the last decade.

Alva Noto is a musician who practices the use of cymatics as an artistic medium. Noto creates music through the use of electronic transmissions--a fax modem or telephonic beeps and clicks, etc. He uses mathematical logic to add rhythm & blues or hip-hop grooves to his music. Think of it as the industrial metal of the Euro electronica outfit, perfectly choreographed. Quoting Noto:

“It is such a complex matter we live within, it is impossible to track logic and decision making really, so therefore each choice can actually only be seen as coincidence.”

I take this to mean that the patterns in life we cannot explain, we label as "coincidence." Quite simply because we have no other explanation. I could go all religious, and I will, and state that God works in wondrous ways. I could also say I am a victim of comic culture, stealing the lines from Batman (loosely quoted): I don't believe in coincidence.

Do you?

He said he wants a Pepsi!

Not sure why this was never posted (February 2006). From memory:

• 3x Days with a new car
  
• 2x Dysfunctional airbags
  
• 2x Broken vertebrae
• 1x Broken clavicle
• 1x Ruptured adrenal gland
  
• 1x Severed ear
• 1x Major laceration (hand)
• 1x Concussion (w/ PTSD)
• 1x Sharp head trauma
• 1x Blunt head trauma

. . .and an EMT on a helicopter shouting, “He said he wants a Pepsi!”

True story—priceless.

How I Met a Nice Lady at DMV (and renewed my license)

It was 3:50 in the afternoon in a small city in eastern North Carolina. The weather was a warm 90 degrees, give or take a few, and a calm breeze blew in the open windows of my car. I pulled into the driveway of the local Department of Motor Vehicles office—I had an appointment at four o'clock to have my license renewed. I noticed a few people going up the sidewalk to the entrance. I dreaded the long wait inside, nervous and anxious about having to take the sign and vision test required for another eight-year license. The agony of it all.

There were three people on the sidewalk, but only one caught my eye. From behind, it was a light skinned blond with shoulder-length hair with curls. She was wearing a white over-shirt and a pair of stonewashed blue jeans with black shoes, clogs maybe. She was obviously young, approximately five feet, five inches. I guessed she would weigh about a hundred pounds. She carried a pocket book, nothing too fancy, but tasteful nonetheless. She had style.

I turned my head—more pressing matters awaited me. I gathered my papers and got out of the car, locking the door as always. I went up the steps and approached the entry door. I opened it to find only one person remaining in the waiting room - her.

There were five rows of cheap grayish-white chairs, like the ones found in public schools with the slotted back and metal legs. She was sitting on the outside chair in the second row from the sign-in sheet, just outside the testing room. Across from the seating area stood a line of vending machines offering popular sugary refreshments.

She watched me as I walked through the door, a bell above the entryway ringing, my black Pierre Cardin rayon flapping in a gust of wind swooshing by as the door shut behind me. I was wearing a boot cut pair of jeans with black Timberlands I bought several years ago. Boots I only wore when I expected to be going somewhere special, boots reserved to build my confidence through a false sense of importance derived from brand labels—and the addition of half an inch to my height. Had one not known better they may think I came from some upscale relaxed area of town.

I could feel her presence, her eyes following me as I entered the room, around the seating area and down the vending machine monument. I, too, glanced around the room when I first came in and realized it was just the two of us, two complete strangers seeing each other face to face for the first time—how awkward.

I looked away as I examined the rest of the room, watching my step in such a confined space. I knew she was watching and an urge to look away from her came over me. I looked away, but as I walked by the seating area to reach the sign-in sheet in the back I looked down and to the right. I had a perfect three-quarter angle view on her now. Our eyes locked in what seemed an everlasting trance.

First contact.

I signed my name with a dull pencil on the small table outside the training room. Number two on the list. I reviewed the other name on the list. "Stacie," I thought to myself. "I don't know another person with that name." The next thought was of a singer named Stacie Orrico of whom I adore. The name shook consonance in my brain.

I turned around to face the backs of at least a dozen empty chairs. I moved left against the wall avoiding any possibility of walking by Stacie again. I put one foot between the chairs, then the other and worked my way up to the same row in which she sat and took a seat. I looked over to my right, four chairs down she sat in quiet repose. She gave a friendly look, the kind you give a stranger, and smiled. Then I did something that would rock the historical foundations of social interaction where I am concerned. I spoke.

“Hi.”

I put up a sincere smile and she returned the greeting. That was far too easy. Never in my life had I spoken up so coolly, so calmly, so...naturally. She had the face of an angel, the eyes of a newborn babe. She was every bit as beautiful as the Alps in spring - refreshing and vibrant. She got up and went to the training room door. I was lost in thought, figuring she was already gone as quickly as she had entered my life. I moved down two chairs, sitting now in the third chair in the row hoping to hear my name called soon. Much to my surprise, Stacie came back and sat in the first chair of the row.

“Oh, man. This is weird now. What if she thinks I'm a creep trying to get closer to her. I didn't know she was coming to sit down again. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?!”

It was like a scene from a movie where the boy scoots closer to the girl when she isn't paying attention, just before he puts his arm around her chair, except I unconsciously left adequate space between our two seats. Completely unplanned, but exceptionally well done.

Sitting now just a foot and a half away, she started reading the signs on the leftmost wall, various descriptions of fees and policies.

“So how much does a license here in North Carolina cost? Do you know?”

“Well, I'm actually here to renew mine, but the letter in the mail said it was about $32 dollars.”

I turned in my chair to face her without breaking my neck. I paid attention to her captivating eyes, unable to remove my stare. She paid me back and we continued for what seemed forever. I was surprised at how well my social skills were playing out.

“What? Wow! I think it was only like $10 when I got mine the first time.”

"Yeah, I know. Everything is high nowadays. How about the weather? It feels sort of nice outside," referring to the warm sunshine and the mercury rising higher every day it seemed.

“Yeah, it does. Well, I'm just moving here from Florida and I had to get some paperwork done at the Social Security office because I'm having my name changed back. See, I'm divorced and I'm starting a new job here on top of all that.”

“Oh, wow. You really do have a lot going on. What kind of work do you do?”

So our conversation went on for a while and we talked. Oddly enough, we never officially introduced ourselves though we did happen to discuss the fact our surnames are both "W"s and show up at the end of the list. In any other occasion I go out of my way to introduce both parties as formally as possible, but for some reason this was unthought of...unwarranted perhaps? Unnecessary. How stupid of me.

I didn't even think to ask her phone number. I wondered later that evening, "I'll probably never see her again in my whole life." Little did I know a window of opportunity had been opened.

Stay tuned later for the exciting conclusion, or perhaps the sequel, to this classic tale of truthful emotion!

Blackberry Background Info

Last May I opened an account with US Cellular, a wireless carrier known for impeccable customer service. Their contract plans include free incoming calls, texts, pics, and more. For most people, that's nearly half their total usage. Sounds too good to be true? It isn't.

I probably use less than 400 minutes a month so I went on their cheapest plan ($40). I also don't travel much so I opted for local area coverage for my region which gives me 700 minutes compared to national 450 plan. The other month I used less than a hundred of my minutes because all incoming calls were free. Amazing, even though I don't talk much on the phone anyway.

Originally I bought the LG Banter UX-265 (i.e. Rumor 2). It's great and the lovely spacious keyboard made it easy to type just about anything. This phone was great, but has since been taken off the US Cellular roster due to customer complaints. Apparently the phone reboots or shuts down on its own randomly. The phone can be sent back to LG to be repaired for free. I experienced this issue at most five or six times over two or three months, but didn't think much of it. It was annoying when it happened, but it worked flawless for over a month and I forgot all about it until I upgraded to the basic mobile Internet plan and browser. In that same weekend, I experienced the crash bug two or three times, but has since worked fine.

I recently deactivated the phone and bought a Blackberry Curve 8330 over eBay after an exhausting search to ensure the phone was clear and ready for use, plus inexpensive. I'm quite happy and am learning how much can be done on the phone...and with high speed web, I'm really happy. Now I can view YouTube videos at home or on the go.

I'm selling the LG Banter to a friend at work for cheap ($50 for everything except wall charger and MicroSD card, but with a car charger and data cable). I could probably sell it on eBay for $100, but at least if the phone breaks the person didn't pay much for it. If it works as well for her as it did for me she'll have gotten it at a great deal.

I'll update again in the future with some great features and advice for other new Blackberry users. What would you like to hear about next update?

Patiently waiting?

I sometimes get the chance to have a one-on-one talk with a high member of management at the plant. I was recently reminded of a conversation with a top-notch manager concerning career goals.

"When I was a private, obviously I had to grow and learn, but eventually I came to realize my sergeant was making mistakes," he told me. "And I said to myself, 'Well, I can make those same mistakes,' and I went after it and I became sergeant."

"Again, I realized my superiors were still making mistakes so I said to myself, 'I can make those same mistakes, too.' and so I went for it, and got promoted again." His point was that I was being reluctant in pursuing higher goals because I felt inexperienced. He told me I would be ready one day and to seize the opportunity.

"Well, I don't want to be ruthless, to stab someone in the back to get where I want. I want it because I earned it," I explained. "Yeah, but you can't sit around waiting for it. Look at your boss, she's been here how long and just got to the top? You can do that, just go for it. You don't have to be ruthless, don't stab anyone in the back I'm not saying that, but you have to go for it if you want it. Just do it!"

...and yet as much as I agree wholeheartedly, this is one case in which I feel I must bide my time. It isn't worth destroying a quasi-friendly work environment with this person. When I gain the position it must be known to all that I earned it. I have a lot to learn concerning management and workplace leadership...things I intend to start learning before making the leap. So for now, I'm patiently waiting--reading, learning, perfecting my craft so I can train my future crew to be the best.

Everyone has two sides. Or do they?

"Everyone has two sides," she enlightened me with her wisdom. Her beautiful blue eyes wide open and focused intently. Dozens of icy stalactites radiated outward from her pupils, piercing me to the core and engraving those words into my brain.

Two parts influence and one part axiom, I agreed. Weeks later those words etched with a blue flame began to weigh on my mind. Do people really have two sides? Do we always put on a face to match our various activities (work, home, social)?

She was referring to two members of management for our client who had previously engaged in epic warfare in the conference room. Two major superpowers, one above the other in chain of command, having an all out discussion concerning an issue of repeated controversy which directly affects our operation. This will be winner take all in the end. This time the higher-up won the battle, but the war is far from over. They strive for the same cause, but in different ways.

“Everyone has two sides.”

My counter-point is that we only have one side -- the one which shows who we really are. Maybe most people are never stressed to their boiling point, the point in which one shows what they're really made of. Maybe we are sometimes bitter or cruel, but some people refuse to show that face to others on a daily basis. Maybe it's an act of courtesy, to not take it out on those around us who have not wronged us. Maybe it really is a two-faced society. So if we have two faces...

“Is this the real me? A better question would be ‘Is this the real you?’ Or are we shallow to the core?”

Exhibiting Ourselves - No, I'm Not Naked

So many things in our lives are left subject to interpretation. How we perceive one another, how our family perceives us, and how our co-workers perceive us are all good examples of our multi-faceted existence. Though we inhibit one being, we constantly exhibit ourselves to others. First impressions are extremely important, but not forsaking who we are as individuals is far more important in my book.

I remember this as I picture a young couple in a retail discount store last weekend. There was a guy and a girl in the greeting cards section as I was picking out a Mother's Day card. The girl was wearing dark clothes, jeans, and a studded, metal belt with matching bracelets. She wore her jeans, and belt, literally on the thighs just above where I imagined her knees were. I had to look twice, despite the hair and makeup, to determine that it was indeed a female.

Of course, she probably has a great personality. Maybe even plays online games like the rest of us. After all, she was in the greeting cards section. Still, that's no excuse for poor style, or am I wrong? -@

Feeling Prolific? What's Your Profile Say About You?

Do you have a social networking page or perhaps a blog? Most websites today have some form of a profile or biography page in which the user is given the task of describing him- or herself in a few brief sentences. Twitter has become one of my favorite social networking sites by forcing users to make a statement (or pose a question) in 140 characters or less. How many things can you describe with a character limit?

For decades television shows have catered to the drama of suspense and mystery. Everything from finding the culprit in a Scooby Doo episode or reliving the stories through enactment on Unsolved Mysteries or Rescue 911, there's a common trend involved-- people like filling the gaps.

I find myself always trying to flesh out entire profiles, even for the most mundane websites. Websites you may only ever visit once. It got so bad that I just took a Notepad file and copy-pasted my profile for each site. Of course, now I need change. Now I feel different and can't believe I wrote what I did about myself. Now I have to go and write some kind of a masterpiece which, hopefully, doesn't turn people off to how wonderful a person I really am. 

"Wow! He's arrogant," or "Man, he's got issues."

"Well, he sounds boring," or "Look--another wanna-be!

Can I just be me? How do I put that into words so everyone can understand?

Do We Define Happiness with Things We Own?

It has been said time and time again that "money makes the world go round," but does the world truly revolve around our currency? We require the exchange of monies for services which enable or inhibit us to live a functional, productive (or in some cases unproductive) lifestyle. We use money to provide shelter for ourselves and loved ones, our clothes, and our vehicles. We pay others to provide services in which we have little expertise or out of convenience. So when is enough actually enough?

I consider my finances to be deeply personal, but here's a look into this bachelor's budget:

• Monthly medical bills
• Monthly rent
• Monthly savings deduction*
• Weekly gasoline purchase
• Monthly automobile insurance
• Monthly groceries
• Weekly church offering

A little dining out here or there, but otherwise that's a pretty conclusive list. Notice there's an asterisk on one of the items. Each month I make a deduction from that month's income (ten percent per month is a good goal). This money goes into a separate savings account which I absolutely will not touch for any reason other than it's intended purpose. The saved up money also doubles as an emergency backup. If I lost my job or my vehicle broke down, I have several months' income stockpiled in a savings account which accrues interest on a monthly basis.

“There's something about making a purchase which provides instant gratification.”

Despite this, I must confess that I love to spend money--it's in my nature. I see something cool which could help me out in even the slightest way and I instantly start researching it, trying to find good deals on it. There's something about making a purchase which provides instant gratification. Sometimes upon receipt of an item I end up wishing I had waited a little longer. It is, however, in most cases a subtle feeling as I am fairly frugal. Growing up I received a lot of gifts at Christmas and my birthday, so I think I am very fortunate for that. However, at home and in my house we often went without, especially when I very young. Could it be there is a void in which I have placed everything I always wanted or couldn't afford? Even though I probably never wanted a tool set as a kid I have the means to purchase one, and so I have.

I recall my older cousin next door having an 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System when we were growing up. I own that very system now, but what I really wanted growing up was this full-size Alf doll he had on his bed. I begged and pleaded for that Alf doll or one of my own, neither of which I ever received. To this day I have vivid memories of that doll. I still don't have it, but I did find a hand puppet stuffed animal Alf at a thrift store once (which I purchased). I also recently found a rock and roll hippie hand puppet Alf. I'll probably sell that one on eBay, though he's pretty cute.

So are these things false symbols of happiness or am I just that easy to amuse? Perhaps we're all searching for something to fill that void, be it with material possessions, significant others, or power tools and lumber. Who knows, maybe we'll find what we're really looking for someday. I think we will. In the mean time, I suppose I'll try to find a cheap deal on a genuine Alf doll. What is your personal void to fill?

Branching Out

In high school I took an agricultural class which also entailed woodworking. In March the little house used for processing paperwork and greeting visitors at my workplace was up for remodeling. One of the main concerns for this remodel (it had been remodeled before and now has a U-shape counter bolted in the center of the floor) was to make it more spacious. So against all reason, the manager pulled out both large office desks the clerks work at 24-7 and threw them out. Well, technically he did it one side at a time so productivity could continue.

In my last hour at work he began and needed a hand with a large sheet of substrate on the portable table saw he brought from his home. A couple of us helped him out, but later after work I stayed and took off my uniform shirt. I did simple things as it was his project, and he was a lot more experienced than my little box or footstool I created a decade ago.


Well, turns out he pulled out the shelving underneath the glass windows and created what is now, essentially, a full-scale "Z" shaped counter top for use with tall swivel bar stools. It looks and works great and we can now run around the office without feeling cramped up. Later on, over the weekend, I came back and we finished up all the details. Over time he has added drop down shelving and a rail underneath to pull or push against when in the bar stools.

So I have ventured back into woodworking and one thing the ladies need is something sturdy, more sturdy than the little wheel around the bar stool base, and I think I can create something simple to do the job. It's essentially a 5-sided box with an open bottom. The idea came from the fact they were using an empty copy paper box to prop their feet on (which is trash and clutters the place). Then, they started using our First-Aid toolbox (um, no). So hopefully after a month of working off and on, I can get my first real project finished.

The problem is, I have been spending a ton of cash to get started. I'm having to clean up the old barn and finding a lot tools such as a Makita reciprocating saw (bought a new blade) and a 15 amp Craftsman 10" circular saw. So what was my first power tool purchase? A Porter-Cable 18 volt 1/2" keyless chuck drill/driver. It came with two batteries, charger, carrying bag and for only $10 USD more I got a combo so it came with a portable circular saw. The saw I am not impressed with, though it does cut, but the drill is like the most useful thing ever. I fixed the door frame which warped outward and just yesterday I changed the entire side-view mirror on my truck after I broke it. That was pretty awesome.

Tip: Use super glue or something instead of JB Weld on partial plastic surfaces.

So what am I doing today?

I'm going to finish up on my truck hopefully. I hit some deer last year on the way home from work and it tore up my radiator, headlight, and grill. I got a friend of the family to fix and replace everything for less than $200, but he doesn't do bodywork. I'm going to attempt to remove the entire front fender from the truck in an attempt to repair it after I visit Google for a while. This is so cool.

Note: I'm also going to do a few reviews on interesting things I have tried lately. One of them is the Gillette Fusion which has, despite all efforts, won me over. Bookmark my RSS feed and stay tuned for updates!

Let's Build Something Awesome

So it's probably fairly obvious where I've been spending a lot of my time lately...


I drew this with my new tablet this morning. I'm learning and experimenting with stuff. I'm also pretty excited and want to work with my new stuff, but don't know what to do with myself when I have time off from work. Woe is me!

It's human nature to create.

To grow or nurture something and give it a sense of life. It can be very fulfilling and since I quit World of Warcraft last January I have really learned to appreciate some of the finer things in life. I'm rediscovering small projects and planning to take on bigger ones later (this summer I plan on restoring an old cabinet my great grandfather owned). I honestly don't know a whole lot, but that's why I'm taking these projects head on—so I can learn and become better at whatever I choose to do. In this case, I'm going to have a lot of learning to do on building practices and proper craftsmanship. I admit, I don't quite have the easiest time drawing straight lines, but that's why I'm buying a large metal square, hehe.

I already feel the pain budget wise...too many tools *eyes bug out and a big grin forms* not enough funds. Small steps, I suppose, :-P Next on my list--finding out where the old router in the barn "disappeared" to...

Spring in the Air

It is now officially spring and despite the torrential downpour and sporadic, unpredictable weather we're having on the eastern seaboard I have begun working on some new projects. One of which involves my new Wacom tablet (thanks Sarah) which I got brand new for half-price on eBay and the other involves half-inch drills and circular saws. Roh-oh-oh! *grunting* Oh, yeah!

So I need to build a couple sawhorses and get some lumber to build some crates which I am hoping to build for use at work (for dispatchers to place their feet on). This idea comes after they started using our First-Aid toolbox as a footrest on their new tall office chairs. Yeeeah. . . :-P

The plan is for a very simple box, but I am not sure how to join the sides yet. In essence, the box will have five sides--the sixth face will not exist, an open bottom since it sits on the floor. The front, back, and top can be joined with the left & right sides by miter, but that would require bracing inside the box. Not a problem, but I need it to last. I don't want the edges to crack or split since they'll be pushed on and kicked around by feet for a very long time and on a daily basis. The simplest solution is to have the top overlap the front and back boards so it can be nailed directly together. That would also cut back on a lot of work, but would it look as nice as edge-less corners?

I drew this with my new tablet, :-0

Exploring the Exotic - Furbolg & Worgen!

Over the next few weeks, with a consistent Monday through Friday schedule, I will be able to spend more time doing things I enjoy such as writing blogs, reading stories, moderating the Wowhead forums, and playing the PS3 with my brother. Notice there's no World of Warcraft mentioned? My account expired yesterday after I got to spend some quality time with my level 35 warlock, Dimmesdale.

Last week I wrote another article for the Wowhead Blog in which I discussed the history and origins of the furbolg. It didn't get as many hits, but the feedback was good. You can check out that entry here. Be sure to leave a comment so I know what you think!

This week I'm going to continue with the trend on exotic races. Backed by popular demand, the worgen are the subject of this next read. The worgen are a mysterious, extra-dimensional race of beings which apparently serve only one purpose: ultimate carnal annihilation! Sounds like an awesome horror movie subject all on its own.

I'll drop a line here when I release that entry with news on next week's entry as well!

Vision of Reality

I used to think life was going to be a great, wonderful experience. It would be so great to be living out on my own—no school, no teachers, no parents. It would just be me, TV, music, and parties.

Then came real life. Paying hundreds of dollars on bills every month, driving a piece of crap truck, working 60+ hours a week, and not having high speed Internet or a camera cell phone because it's too expensive. Yeah, that's reality. Medical costs, insurance (health, dental, life, 401k/retirement deductions, social security, disability), a crap load of taxes so others can spend my hard-earned money, and purchasing gasoline which seems to keep rising (yet we're supposed to appreciate the fact they aren't gouging prices as bad as they were last year). Sounds like a lot of money going down the drain, right? That's because it is. That's life.

“I thought it would set me on an uncontrollable path which I could never change.”

I didn't go to college straight out of high school because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Universities were out of the question, but a small technical college for computers would have been great. I wasn't ready, though. I was struggling in high school because I didn't pay attention. I was really immature and I couldn't get a driver's license due to poor eyesight. I wish I had went to college straight out of high school. It doesn't matter what one majors in, having that piece of paper gets your foot in almost every door imaginable. I didn't know that picking a major or a college was just a small step. I thought it would set me on an uncontrollable path which I could never change.

So I got eye surgery and can see. But man, am I blind or what? A year later, I was recovered completely and I got my license on the, "Yeah, I got this!" Nope. I failed the first time, but I got it the second time (don't ever look forward while moving in reverse).

My family was in disrepair. I stayed at home and helped my great grandmother, my grandfather, and eventually my grandmother get through strokes, cancer, and old age. Yeah, that's reality. So I got a job after one moved out, the other moved on, and one died. Six months later I ignored pleas to get health insurance privately because I wanted my company insurance and nothing could happen to me. I didn't want to pay what would be my one and only bill, other than car insurance, every month. I was stingy, but also proud—and I fell. Click here to see pictures of that story.

“I was . . . proud—and I fell.”

So I spent another year recovering from my disillusioned reality. Bedridden for seven months, I read a lot of books, watched a lot of behind-the-scenes material on DVDs, and enjoyed a wonderful summer view out of my window, watching the tree leaves sway in the wind for hours until falling asleep again. Sleeping away time.

So then after a second year getting mentally prepared and going through physical therapy, I spent three months finding another job. With only six months real work experience, and though I was an excellent worker receiving commendations and references, only three people bothered to give me a chance. Two of them called me in for training the next day, and two of them called me the next morning to let me know they changed their minds. They retracted their offer after having shook hands with me. That's reality, too.

I said there were three. The third one changed my life. I got hired, took state-mandated training and this time I paid attention. I paid attention so intently I got a headache each day from reading, listening, writing.

Today I've been working almost one year, with lots of responsibility and doing things most other employees don't even have a clue about. My boss constantly tells me how my performance is excellent. Our client's management team consistently compliment me on how professional I am. I'm half the age of everyone else and have learned nearly everything in less than a year. This is my turn at life.

I was recently informed I'm getting a raise--a raise larger than anyone else I'm working with. I'm also being moved to a weekday schedule. Though I am responsible for keeping weekend shift held together, I have become so valuable I am needed on weekdays for company image. However, no one is indispensable. Even though that is true there's no reason not to be happy. In fact, I must now work even harder to earn that pay. So this is life before 30. Quite different from what I could have ever dreamed.

“INVENIAM VIAM AUT FACIAM.”

An Existential Relationship

An associate with another company came in today at work and asked about a former employee who worked evenings and weekends. He asked what had happened to my former coworker as he had not seen that person in quite a while. In truth, my coworker was fired (whether he quit or was terminated is a minor technicality, he was literally pushed out due to insubordination). I stated that he was no longer with us, though I suspected he was working somewhere else and had moved on. Honestly, I'm glad my former coworker is gone. Though he was sometimes good at looking after stuff, he was primarily lazy and didn't pay attention to procedure. Mostly he was just a deceitful slob who liked to run his mouth. He took no pride in his work nor himself.

But he had dreams

Or at least he spoke of them. He wanted to go back to school (he did attend for a little while in the past, but he took the free grant money the government gave him and used it to party each weekend until it ran out). He was once declined service at McDonald's on his credit card. It's a shame because those grants are given in hopes of people succeeding at life, but nothing became of it. He substituted a little and bragged on how he made $14 per hour doing that. He lives at home with his mother, debt collection agencies harassing him, and is somehow a step above others in his neighborhood.

Alas, this person doesn't roam in any circle I've ever known or related to. He comes from a low economic, trashy town. He's a step above crackhead, but on par with welfare-huggers and unemployment junkies. So in many cases, since I never see him and honestly doubt I ever will again, he is non-existent.

Is our existence reliant solely upon the perception of others?

If people do not think of you, see or hear from you, or generally know of you -- do you exist? Surely we exist as physical manifestations on this earth, but there is perception and virtuosity. I know my brother exists since I see his physical body nearly every day and speak with him regularly. Thus, I know he is both exists and is real.

On the other hand, my former coworker is out of my life. I'll never see him again and will most likely forget him over the years. To this extent, I know he has existed. I worked with him, watched him set up buffet on the counter, and listened to his cell phone babbling. However, for all theoretical purposes, he could be dead and I wouldn't even know it. So does he exist? Probably in a physical sense, but primarily, to me, in my psyche -- even though my perception of him is malignant, it still exists. It may sound cold, but 'tis true for all the same reasons you, the reader, have no idea whether or not I exist. You simply know someone wrote this, but who? Obviously a person, but could you ever say this substantiates my existence?

Unleashing the Wrath

At this very moment, less than three hours remain before Wrath of the Lich King is released in North America. What are you doing, right now?

I'm turning in an old quest, Shrouded in Nightmare, which has been in my quest log for a while. I've been working on dailies with my warrior (AOE grinding the Netherwing mines entire sections at a time proved most profitable). But then there was something else, which made me forget all about my tanking plans & ideas for the Lich King (though I will still be placing his head over my fireplace).

My Furbolg Promotion

As most will know, I'm a moderator for Wowhead. Recently, I was asked to work on a new top secret project for the database website. I accept, and that new feature is still in development, so I can't say much. It is definitely going to rock, though.

I often wonder, both in real life & online, if what I do really amounts to anything. As far as the game goes, probably not. However, the things I say & do in the game socializing with others probably says a whole lot about my character (no, not my avatar you dorks, moral character). Concerning the community, it is much like tanking. Many times it's a "thankless job," but it doesn't have to be. That's actually just a dramatization. Many times I have had people say, "Thank you!" or create a thread just to show appreciation, and while it felt good I mostly tried to ignore the praise. So with all due respect & ego in-tact, I guess it's finally time to realize that maybe, just maybe, I actually did reach out to someone — hopefully beyond the game, too.

I bring all this reflective material up because I guess for all that I have done it really did touch a nerve as I was promoted at Wowhead this week. For me, this is pretty special because I have a tendency to perceive myself as being incapable of anything worthwhile. So, big congratulations to me as I am now an editor!

A New Direction

As some of you know, I was asked to rejoin some friends in a special guild formed of players from multiple servers & culminating in a wondrous 10-man experience through WLK. I've been OTing & MTing my way through The Burning Crusade over the last few months & have really taken my warrior in a great direction. Even my very close friend Dynwyrm agrees. However, all good things must come to an end.

Fear not! For it is I, and I...am...FURBOLG!

After a few good ZA runs our guild leader asked me to instead take my blues & purples rogue to 80 for our guild. We have several tank alts, including a core set of warrior & paladin MTs. This means I can finally work on my most beloved character. Don't worry, though — I won't be leaving my fellow warriors behind. Just as I did before in TBC, I'll be leveling my rogue first. Coming in at a strong second is my warrior (unless I decide to bring up my hunter or druid, lol).

So there we have it, a short update on my whereabouts, and some reassurance that everything Furbolg will be quite alright around here.

A New Member in the Family

I was at work Tuesday evening when someone came into the office area & a cat ran into the building. He ran out the other door & I went out after it unsure of what to do. The cat was actually a small, black-striped kitten & he ran first up, then down the pedestrian crosswalk. A man picked him up & brought him to me.

Though I tried to put this kitten in a small cat box we have for a wild cat which lives behind the parking lot, he would not stay. It was wet, cold, and just overall a bad night to be stuck outside. He kept following me back to the office & trying to come inside. I figure if he can just make it outside for a little while, we'll be okay & I can see what to do after work (I wasn't sure if I could just take the cat off the property).

Later on, the boss lady comes down & calls me in. Whenever one gets called to the boss, it always feels as if you may have done something wrong, but I wasn't really worried. She was waiting at the door & asked me, "Do you want a cat?" -- LOL. Um, I have four cats, two dogs, & two sugar gliders already. The last thing I need is another cat. I didn't say this, though. I said I would make some phone calls to the house, which I did, and got approval.

Behold! Gunju the Kitten has arrived!

Recent News

Arideni Coming Back to World of Warcraft?

AP— This week in the news, former Hardcore-Casual Dial-up Champion of the World, Arideni, may be coming back to the game after all. Our sources are saying that it is very possible, at least for a short-term, the free agent will be back on the Illidan (US) realm assessing the current state of the game, working on the Auction House, & liquidating all assets in what appears to be a play to change servers. If this server change does happen, it isn't likely to result in a transfer. Rumors have it the once-renowned player will be moving to a different PVP server, possibly Ravenholdt (where he holds a retired 29 twink warlock), in an attempt to level up to three new characters (supposedly the warlock, a shadow priest, & another rogue). Other reports are suggesting Arideni is simply rolling a new Alliance warrior & rogue (Human males) on the same Illidan (US) server. Even still, there are rumors that the Maelstrom server may be getting a visit before the year is out. We do have actual confirmed reports indicating that Arideni has been offered lucrative tanking propositions on the Boulderfist (US) server. Many options remain on the table, but nothing is set in stone apparently. Arideni had no comment on this topic & our calls went unanswered.@

Computer Debacle Resolved, New Upgrades Planned

I recently purchased some much needed parts to upgrade my computer which I made in fourth quarter 2004. I purchased 2GB of DDR2 800Mhz RAM, an ATi X1650 Pro 512MB graphics card, a socket 478 Biostar P4M900-VM (micro ATX) motherboard for about $250 (with shipping). Everything seemed to work fine, except for the motherboard which doesn't seem to work well at all with my Serial ATA 1.5 hard disk drive (HDD). Long story short, I asked for a refund & recently got it (minus $8 restocking fee, plus about $10 shipping) for a total of about 47$ from a 56$ motherboard. I am expecting a $15 rebate on the memory purchased in the coming weeks, so that will shave off some red numbers.

Since I already have new memory & a new graphics card, required purchases from the bogus motherboard, I intend on upgrading (it's been a month since these issues came up) again. This time, I'm going to get what I want & should have gotten from the start: a new processor & motherboard which aren't obsolete. As it stands, I intend on getting an Asus P5K Pro & an E4600 Core 2 Duo processor. I'm going to take the time to also purchase a second modem & cable for the PC so that I may use the Internet on either computer (instead of swapping out parts from one to another). Without the modem & cable, costs come out to about $225 (without shipping). It's about another $30 (without shipping) to get the modem & cable adapter, but it's $30 which will help greatly in setting up the PC (being online with one, while working on the other is more than just a luxury, it's totally righteous).

Pick-up Truck Fixed & Road Ready

Today I got my pickup truck back, repaired from a minor wreck several weeks ago in which two deer (a doe & a fawn) ran in front of my truck, causing me to strike them with the front driver's side & headlights. My radiator was punctured, the driver side headlight & turn signal were broken, & my seat belt doesn't catch. Thankfully, I'm alright. Also, a family member fixed the truck for me in his spare time & got the parts necessary pretty cheap. It seems that, at least for now, the truck is working alright. However, there may be an issue with the transmission (might be leaking, which was a problem supposedly fixed a while back).